"And the last winter of Voronezh
Our happy poverty and poetry"
——Mandelstrom
In winter night, besides Bai Juyi, it is also suitable to read Mandelstrom. Wrap yourself in a warm mohair sweater and smell the snow and bitter cold in Siberia between the pages.
There is always a voice that says: one year's birthday is coming again. Should I celebrate something? Just a glass of champagne. I'm not drunk yet.
I have been so eager, trying to make a wish in every story I wrote. Sometimes I feel that doing so is just learning to know how bright and illusory the wish is, just like those summers in the freezing rain.
But isn't life a game of constant loss and constant hope? For those who can't stay, we propose a toast to each other. For those who are coming, have we figured out how to treat each other?
"We burn without light, like midday candles." This is also Mandelstamm's poem. What he didn't say is that the candle also has a burning heat. If the heart has been burned by desire and expectation, then every wish, whether realized or not, is not illusory. (cake was born in Hanzhai last year, which has a special meaning)
Maybe it's because I don't have a sense of age, or because I'm still young, I always look forward to my 50 years old. I always feel that after the age of 40, a woman has accumulated some wisdom, determination and vision, and then gradually reaches the peak of taste. I've been chasing Yongmei in xiaohuanxi this summer. I've been chasing her since I've been here for a long time. I really like Yongmei, who is 49 years old. She doesn't have a star aura, but is clean, dignified and self-sustaining. Every flash of expression is not mediocre. Other actresses like Chen Chong and Mei Ting all the time. Since childhood, they also like to talk with the wise and experienced female predecessors. It's too sexy. It's just too sexy. My crush. So I've never been anxious about age.
There are differences in time between people. Some people work hard, but time is spent on things that "dissipate.". Others are used to "build" things. It's not accumulation, it's construction.
"Building" makes our life solid.
But even if the age of physics is not young, everyone still has the right and freedom to start from scratch at any time. The courage to step out has nothing to do with age. I hope that when I am old, I will still be the one who dares to fight against myself. I saw this picture on Weibo a few days ago. It's really me at the moment. That's right. So say goodbye to 32 at this moment.
What a person should be proud of is not what he has gained from the world, nor what he has gained from this learning, but what changes he can bring to the world, especially those who suffer injustice, struggle and the weak.
After all, the valley without response is not worth jumping.
I hope that every big and small, far and near, bright and dark of you will realize my wishes one by one. Thank you for being so sharp and meticulous that you can become a better yourself. Thank you for being so gentle and snowy and waiting for me to blossom. Time still contains some more profound fairness, and brave people are always young.
"I don't want to cry alone in the future and can't move forward," says the lyrics of Lao Wang's I'm still young No matter in politics, ideology or one's own life, no one is really manipulated and no one is innocent.
The wishes and visions for birthdays are pinned on the ordinary time. No matter what the days are allotted to me, I will live according to my will.
I thought once how Theocritus had sung
Of the sweet years, the dear and wished-for years,
Who each one in a gracious hand appears
To bear a gift for mortals, old or young:
And, as I mused it in his antique tongue,
I saw, in gradual vision through my tears,
The sweet, sad years, the melancholy years,
Those of my own life, who by turns had flung,
A shadow across me. Straightway I was 'ware,
So weeping, how a mystic Shape did move
Behind me, and drew me backward by the hair;
And a voice said in mastery, while I strove, --
"Guess now who holds thee?"-- "Death." I said. But, there
The silver answer rang, --"Not Death, but Love."
——Elizabeth Barrett Browning
《（Sonnets from Portugue）》
These are high concentration of sweet in my life, I hope you can feel my hairy details when you look at my description.
"This night is not redeemable
Where you are, there is still light"
——Mandelstrom
It's going to be a charming night. I miss the people I love at this moment. But recently, I deeply realize that I will go to a grand loneliness, which may be my destiny, but I will live exuberantly in that loneliness. I wish you a long voyage in the future, and I wish you a reef to look back at.
In these moments, you once again understand the constant insistence behind the hard work: to be yourself, to find peace.
"We want to be ourselves, we want to find peace" sounds like a promise, because it is firm, so it will come true.
"My favour November if I don't go
Then the rain outside the window will not stop"
<Time goes on>
Out of the window, I almost breathed into ice. After a long time, I felt my feet cold, even though there was heating in the room. Stop writing and go to the kitchen to make a pot of English black tea for yourself. The faint aroma of peach in the tea is very impressive.
27th Nov. 2019
In Birmingham
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